Missing our Noah: October 2008

October is such a bitter sweet month for our family. We love the new cooler weather, fall leaves, fun events...but all this reminds us of our sweet Noah. 2 years ago in October we were all filled with excitement and joy of finally getting to go meet the sweet child that God had placed in our family. The little boy that we had loved for 11 months...and lost all too soon. The little boy who made such an impact to so many. We think of Noah many times each day. When Markenley and Solomon pray during each meal and thank God for each family member, Noah is one in the 'long' list! He is not forgotten..he will never be forgotten.
Fall makes me think back to the morning where i was out to coffee with my friend Pammi and came home to hear that Noah was sick again....the helplessness that we felt. The irritation that more wasn't done to get a medical visa. Later that night when we would get the new that he was gone....
There were so many emotions...
the pain
the anger
the disbelief
the lost feeling
the comfort
the friends
the caring
the love
the 'why?' God
the tearing out of our hearts
the 'how could i have done this to my other kids'
the guilt
the realization
the impact this child had
the blessings
the fact that he will always be remember...always have a picture on a wall, a prayer said for him, a family to love him...ALWAYS.

This month I have listened nonstop to Praise You in this Storm by Casting Crown. This has been comforting to me. I truly felt this was God's gift to me. (Thank you Honey for picking this song for Sunday's service...even though you aren't singing it;)
It is such a good reminder that God is there as our comforter.
I had another experience this month...i heard this kid say "Mommy!" and i immediately thought of Noah and was reminded that someday that is what I will hear, I will get to be with him I will get to see him and hold him. I hope he runs to me and calls out "Mommy".

We are blessed that Markenley and Solomon are home. It is amazing to see God's hand in our lives, His plan. I would be much happier if His plan had included Noah running around here too.

My kids all had a difficult time on the 27th as well...TJ declared that morning that everyone had to wear pink. Noah was always wearing pink in his update pictures. Todd and TJ had the 'real men wear pink' t-shirts...Todd wore his that day.

We decided that our family needed to be together that day so we made Jess get out of volleyball early and we took the kids to the pumpkin patch. There was a sense of sadness, but we were all there to support one another.

As we look back and remember we thank God for Noah...we miss you Noah. Keep on dancing buddy. Mommy loves you. We all do.