aren't they cute?

more pics

photos...

 

 

 

 

Missing our Noah

October is such a bitter sweet month for our family. We love the new cooler weather, fall leaves, fun events...but all this reminds us of our sweet Noah. 2 years ago in October we were all filled with excitement and joy of finally getting to go meet the sweet child that God had placed in our family. The little boy that we had loved for 11 months...and lost all too soon. The little boy who made such an impact to so many. We think of Noah many times each day. When Markenley and Solomon pray during each meal and thank God for each family member, Noah is one in the 'long' list! He is not forgotten..he will never be forgotten.
Fall makes me think back to the morning where i was out to coffee with my friend Pammi and came home to hear that Noah was sick again....the helplessness that we felt. The irritation that more wasn't done to get a medical visa. Later that night when we would get the new that he was gone....
There were so many emotions...
the pain
the anger
the disbelief
the lost feeling
the comfort
the friends
the caring
the love
the 'why?' God
the tearing out of our hearts
the 'how could i have done this to my other kids'
the guilt
the realization
the impact this child had
the blessings
the fact that he will always be remember...always have a picture on a wall, a prayer said for him, a family to love him...ALWAYS.

This month I have listened nonstop to Praise You in this Storm by Casting Crown. This has been comforting to me. I truly felt this was God's gift to me. (Thank you Honey for picking this song for Sunday's service...even though you aren't singing it;)
It is such a good reminder that God is there as our comforter.
I had another experience this month...i heard this kid say "Mommy!" and i immediately thought of Noah and was reminded that someday that is what I will hear, I will get to be with him I will get to see him and hold him. I hope he runs to me and calls out "Mommy".

We are blessed that Markenley and Solomon are home. It is amazing to see God's hand in our lives, His plan. I would be much happier if His plan had included Noah running around here too.

My kids all had a difficult time on the 27th as well...TJ declared that morning that everyone had to wear pink. Noah was always wearing pink in his update pictures. Todd and TJ had the 'real men wear pink' t-shirts...Todd wore his that day.

We decided that our family needed to be together that day so we made Jess get out of volleyball early and we took the kids to the pumpkin patch. There was a sense of sadness, but we were all there to support one another.

As we look back and remember we thank God for Noah...we miss you Noah. Keep on dancing buddy. Mommy loves you. We all do.

photos:)

Jessibear

Where does the time go? I have been meaning to posts pics of my beautiful Jessibear in honor of her birthday! This past week has been so crazy. Last thursday we were in the ER all night because TJ had a scooter injury and split his lip open...5 stitches later he is doing good. Friday Jess hurt her knee at volleyball and ended up at the docs for hours Friday night. ( I did get to go see Joyce Meyer with my girlfriends Friday morning!)
Saturday Markenley had soccer and did great!! He has the best smile...he runs around smiling not very aggressive but part of the team! Later that day we had a bunch of friends over to visit with my 2 friends that were here from out of town!
Sunday night we went back to the ER because TJ was having issues...going to the bathroom every 10 minutes. The advise nurse thought he may have an internal injury due to his previous injury!! He ended up being fine.
Monday we had to make appts for Jess for chest pains...and Taylor for a sty in her eye. Tomorrow TJ gets his stitches out and Markenley has a follow up doctors appt.
With all this we have all had colds this past week and have felt icky!!!
Anyway, life has been one big blurrr....

Here are some special pictures of my beautiful daughter!! I love you my Jessibear!

Happy 15th Birthday Jessica

Happy Birthday my beautiful Jessibear. I am so proud of you. You are amazingly beautiful and smart. I love you so much and admire your strength and conviction and devotion to God. We had a great day at your volleyball tournament, and you were SOOO wonderful. I love the way you are so encouraging to your teammates.
I love you!
Happy Birthday.
love you,
Mommy

Guada-La-La

The girls are blessed by many wonderful friends...Guadalupe is one of them..I love her as if she were my own! She is a great support and has a beautiful heart. :)
I love it when my kids friends come over, they don't go off to their room, or the living room, they plop down on the couch with Todd and I and hang out with us! I love you Guadalupe...you know you are welcome here ANYTIME!

more youth group

Youth group!

Tonight was the boys first night at youth group!! I love love love their teachers so I felt great about them going. I was working with the older kids. It usually starts at age 4 but Soly was allowed to go! They had so much fun. I had given my camera to KayAnn, one of the teachers and she took some pics for me. There is also a pic I took of TJ during the worship time. I love to watch him praise God! I am glad I get to witness such wonderful things! Usually Shanay and Jess are leaders on Wed. night too, but they haven't commited yet. Jess is super busy with volleyball and Shanay wanted to wait to see what her homework load would be like as a Jr.
It really helped me tonight to get out and be with big people!! I was blessed by my good friend Susan Newton tonight too! Thank you God for her!

Hangin out with the birthday girl

Here are a few random pics from Shanay's birthday weekend. I think she has the rest of the pics...i need to find them. I love her crown..because she is one of my princesses!

First day of school pics

We have to take them..every year! I can't walk them all to class the first day, but we must at least get one picture!! This year Shanay and Jess had to leave at 6:45 am because they hadn't gone to registration. I had to make sure tay and tj were up and ready for the pic before the other girls left. Yeahhh they were!!!!!...soly was still asleep though!

In a weird place...

I know that God has placed me here...exactly where I am at this very moment. I have prayed to be here....in God's perfect will....living His perfect plan. I can tell you it's not always easy. It's somehow pretty lonely, yet I am rarely alone. I am unbelievably happy that the boys are home. They are an amazing addition to our family. They are great kids. We are extremely blessed. At times I feel like I am going crazy...like today...but if I hadn't obeyed God I would have missed so many blessings as well. I am thankful for the opportunity. It bugs me when people think of it as a burden. They are children who are innocent and deserve to be loved.

I do stay home sooo much more than before, spend time with my friends so much less. I don't really have many friends who truly understand anything I am going through on a daily basis....or really ask. Everyone's lives keep on going, and mine does too..but maybe in a different direction. I am in a place of greater dependence on God..to be my friend and my Father...and so thankful for Him.

Markenley's first soccer game!

Written by my hubby..borrowed from his blog..

Markenely has been in the U.S. for less than 4 months. So you can understand that we would be a little apprehensive to throw him into a great social sport event such as soccer. Well we did anyway and today was his first game. The first quarter he just sat on the field near the Goal Box not moving a bit. Even with the action swirling around him, he didn't budge. We encouraged him tremendously but to no avail. The second quarter he sat on the sidelines. But by the third quarter he finally found his soccer legs and was off and running. His smile filled his face. It was a great joy seeing him have so much fun. He only kicked the ball once, but he was on the field having a blast. This is a some of the footage from the game. Enjoy.

Trying Day

I am exhausted today...a lot has to do with the tons of yardwork/house maintenance stuff we are working on and the emotional stress of the kiddos.
Today was a tough day for Markenley. He seemed to be out of wack emotionally. I won't go into all the details but it is so difficult...it makes me sad...especially because I know that he doesn't want to act the way that he does. He literally cannot control his emotions. When these things happen I don't always handle it the best way. I am really trying to show love to him the way Jesus would love him. This can be very difficult with an out of control child. What I am finding works best is to just hold him and let him 'get it out' until he finally calms down and then clings to me and is very sorry. I just sit and pray and sing and comfort him...what he probably missed out on as an infant. After his rage and nap he was a darling little boy. I decided to put him on 'restriction' today...basically told him that he could not play outside in the front yard or with any friends from the neighborhood. I wasn't sure if he would 'get it' but he seemed to understand. He didn't fight it....when Solomon was out front he didn't try to go too. He was extra sweet and apologetic. I wasn't really trying to use this as a punishment as much as because I felt he needed to stay closer to Mommy and Daddy and not the other kids friends. It is hard because they love playing with Markenley and he loves them. I am praying that tomorrow will be a better day!! Tomorrow is Markenley's 1st soccer game! He has only had 3 practices..and didn't really pay attention the whole time!! He doesn't know what a 'game' is...i don't think he really knows what a 'goal' is...it should be interesting. He is really excited...so are we.

Beautiful One I Love!

growing up!

Happy 16th Birthday Shanay

Happy Birthday my beautiful daughter. I am in tears as I write this because i don't want you to grow up. The time has truly gone too fast. You are truly one of the most amazing people I know. Your strength and determination to stick to your godly values make me so proud. The other day when someone asked you about being around someone who may not be the best influence and your immediate response of "I live above the influence" cracked me up...but it's so true. Time and time again you make such Godly choices, and I know it's not always easy. I am constantly being told by others about how sweet you are and a joy to be around you are. I love the kind of friend you are! I love the way you serve the Lord with your life. You have been a big help to me, especially with the boys. I know I am your mommy but I also consider you one of my very best friends. I am blessed to know you. As you are embarking this next stage of your life I will be there for you always. I am excited for your future and know that God has great plans for your life. As much as I always want to protect you from any kind of hurt I know those are the times that you will grow and you will learn to depend more on God. You have proven that to me!! There are so many times that I learn from you...if I am talking about something you may think is gossip, you will correct me!! I thank the Lord for you! I could go on all day listing the great things about you...but for now I will just say I LOVE YOU with my whole heart and HAPPY BIRTHDAY my Pooh Bear!
love,
Mommy